Tuesday, July 29, 2008

The real, unedited, infertile me

This past weekend was an interesting and very fun one... thanks to meeting my new friend, M, who is the wife of a friend of our's from school, B. I instantly liked M... she had a bright smile and her beauty shone from the inside out. I was certain that we would be good friends the instant I saw her.

When we first sat down to talk alone while our husbands were doing their thing, M told me right away that her mom was bothering her about having a baby... I asked M about this, and she said that she didn't really want to have a baby anyway, that she enjoyed her freedom, that she and B would work on it later... there was definitely something suspicious in the way this all came tumbling out and it all sounded awfully familiar... I had an inkling that I could push a bit further to get the real scoop, so I came out and told her that it was possible that my husband and I couldn't have children of our own. Her big brown eyes got even wider and she started pressing me for details... ah ha! I'd uncovered the truth. She admitted that she and B had been trying for a year to conceive but had been unsuccessful. This all happened within 10 minutes of meeting each other. She had no idea that my husband and I had experienced difficulty, nor did I know the same about her. That said, I think there is something so raw, powerful, and honest about our desire to have a baby that women who have difficulty conceiving can sense it with another in the bat of an eye.

It was so great to meet another woman who didn't start making excuses or trying to make me feel better with the typical, "You're still young, don't worry!" or "Just relax!" or "Just keep trying, it's gotta work." It was so great to not have to make excuses to someone else or shrug it all off as though the thought of having/not being able to have a baby isn't the single most important thing on my mind most of the time! It was so great to be able to talk freely about how much it sucks and even to offer limited advice to someone else who is in a similar situation. It was so great to be real about it all.

It brought me a great sense of relief to meet another woman who could relate to my frustrations and stress at not being able to conceive. I didn't even feel sad when we wandered down to the Chinese night market and M helped me pick out little outfits for my sister's unborn baby (he'll be born in December). I felt more free and open than I had in a long time... suddenly, I didn't have to pretend to not be sad, nor did I have to tell others not to worry about me. I could just be me. The real, unedited, infertile me. It rocked.

Listening to: Bob Dylan - Buckets of Rain, foxytunes.com

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